"i have an older brother i don't know / he could be anywhere" - Mythological Beauty, Adrienne Lenker

i dug my fingernails into the dining table.
my brother passed out in the driver's seat, drooling.
after ten minutes passed, my mother slipped
out the front door, and her frantic voice woke him up.
the sun stayed caught on broken wooden blinds.

i carved my name into my math homework.
the stained kitchen counter took the blame.
he slumped through the doorway to the counter
towards a container of Costco black & white cookies.
every bite spilled down, smearing on his white undershirt.

i spent the next day wondering what would happen next.
the house groaned with every soft step i took.
my father waited for him to curl up and die downtown.
some things would never change, apparently.
i told my friends there would be no coming over again.

Please, it's me, just let me in, he said through the door.
my palms sweat as my fingers twitched over the lock.
the next day after school my window screen was torn.
scrapes from my grandfather's ladder scarred the paint.
the house whispered to me about leaving when i slept.